


Nightmares and Late Nights

by orphan_account



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: #spoilers, :), Angst, Author Projecting onto Jeremy Heere, Author Projecting onto Michael Mell, Bisexual Jeremy Heere, Cuddling & Snuggling, First Dates, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Michael Mell, Gentle Kissing, Getting Together, Jeez, Jeremy Heere Has OCD, Jeremy Heere Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Jeremy Heere Has Panic Attacks, Kissing, M/M, Michael Mell is supportive, Michael mell loves his almost boyfriend, Mutual Pining, Neck Kissing, Nightmares, Tenderness, cut these guys a break, fight?, for a moment - Freeform, let them be tender! god damn!, there will be more dont worry, they kiss before they get together a few times but they are so so stupid so they dont realize, they love each other theyre just stupid, vague mention of an eating disorder, whoops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:01:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22625233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Jeremy can't sleep. He's constantly plagued by horrible nightmares and phantom shocks and irrational fears. Senior year had come and gone, and yet, he couldn't escape the past, as much as he wanted. He always, always felt guilty and he had a feeling the shame would never truly go away.However...Something about Michael made things easier. In his arms, he could finally rest. His mind and his body.OR: Jeremy Heere can't sleep and his almost-boyfriend loves him a lot(This story was discontinued.)
Relationships: Jeremy Heere/Michael Mell
Comments: 18
Kudos: 125





	1. Chapter 1

It was weird. 

Jeremy was back, and seemed, to the unknowing eye, back to normal.

There was this calm atmosphere around him. Scarily calm. Almost detached.

It scared Michael.

_ Jeremy _ would never be so calm, so collected, so… okay?

Jeremy was sitting in a beanbag chair. The one he always sat on. 

It was three in the morning. He obviously wasn’t aware Michael was awake too. 

Michael, knowing there was a lack of weight and presence beside him in bed, listened closely to his surroundings. 

It was too dark to tell, but it  _ sounded _ like someone was crying. 

Sobbing, really. Taking deep, watery breaths, and breathing out in strained wheezes. 

It sounded like Jeremy, for sure. Michael had heard it enough times to know when Jeremy was panicking. And that definitely sounded like Jeremy.

He waited a few more moments before slowly sitting up. “Jer?” He asked, a whisper in the dark. 

A deep shuddering breath. Michael heard the beanbag shift. “S-sorry… did I wake you up?”

“Well, yes, but actually no. Can I come over there?” 

Jeremy was quiet for a moment. “...You don’t  _ have _ to.”

“Can I?” Michael asked again, slipping off the bed carefully. 

“I-If you want… Dunno why you’d want to be around me…” 

Michael felt his way through the darkness (with his hands and muscle memory), carefully sitting on the floor beside Jeremy. “Can I touch you?” 

“Uhm, y-yeah, if you want…”

“Is it okay?” 

“Yeah, but like-”

Michael maneuvered himself into the beanbag with Jeremy, wrapping his arms around him gently. He was shaking. 

Jeremy immediately buried his face in the crook of Michael’s neck, wrapping his arms around his middle loosely and swinging his legs over his lap. Michael held him closer, rubbing a hand up and down his back slowly as the boy started to sob again. 

Michael didn’t interrogate him, he just held the lanky boy in his lap, letting him cry into his shirt. It was no use to ask yet what was wrong, Jeremy was unintelligible and asking would probably make him cry more. 

Eventually, Jeremy was just sniffling, not crying. Jeremy moved closer to Michael, laying comfortably in his arms. 

“Jer?” Michael moved a hand up to his hair, weaving his fingers through it slowly, careful not to catch any knots.

Jeremy hummed in acknowledgment, turning his face upward to face Michael, though they couldn’t see each other. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

Jeremy shrugged, taking a deep breath. 

“You don’t have to…” 

“I had another nightmare…” Jeremy mumbled, sighing. “I couldn’t go back to sleep, but I didn’t want to wake you up, so…”

Michael listened closely, nodding. “About…?”

“The SQUIP…”

“I figured…” Michael said with a sigh. “Jeremy, you-” 

“I know, I know. That doesn’t mean I’m not still sorry… and- and afraid…” 

Michael frowned, holding Jeremy closer. 

“I can still feel it sometimes…” Jeremy mumbled after a moment. “The shocks, I mean…”

Michael shifted to hold Jeremy closer. “That really sucks, man. I’m sorry…” 

“I haven’t been able to sleep, it’s like, it’s always there, you know?” 

“Yeah… I’m really sorry, Jer. I wish I could help…”

“You help enough just by being there for me… I mean, it’s three in the fucking morning and I… am really glad I woke you up…” Jeremy moved his head again to ‘look at’ Michael, and Michael could swear, for a moment, he could feel Jeremy’s breath on his lips. 

“Well, if you can’t sleep, can we at least go back to bed? I’ll stay up with you, but I’m pretty sure my ass has a bean imprint now from this chair.” 

Jeremy snickered and nodded, standing up and holding out a hand to Michael. Michael, of course, didn’t see it and stood up on his own. 

Carefully, they made it back to the bed. Michael held up the covers and let Jeremy crawl in first. 

“Can I touch you?” He asked again as he got under the covers too. 

Jeremy blushed, suddenly thankful it was pitch black in Michael’s room. “Y-yeah…”

Michael wrapped his arms around Jeremy, pulling him close again, so the lanky boy’s back was to his chest. “This okay?”

Jeremy nodded quickly, relaxing in Michael’s arms. “Thanks for checking on me.” 

“Of course! I’m not going to let my best friend cry himself to sleep in a shitty deflated bean bag. What kinda friend would I be then?” 

“I pretty awful one,” Jeremy admitted. 

Michael rested his face against the back of Jeremy’s neck, smiling gently. 

“Michael…?” 

“Hmm?” 

“I’m really glad you’re still here for me, even after every shitty thing I did.”

Michael laughed softly, his breath making prickles rise up Jeremy’s arms. “Always, Jer. I’m not going anywhere.” 

Jeremy hummed, closing his eyes and letting himself drift off, secure in Michael’s arms and safe from harm. 

Michael stayed awake until he was sure the boy in his arms was asleep and, only when he was sure, drifted off as well. 


	2. Chapter 2

Michael was the first to wake up, unusually. 

In his sleep, Jeremy had turned over in Michael’s arms; he’d buried his head into the crook of Michael’s neck, his face squashed against his skin awkwardly; his hands rested against his chest. Michael smiled, holding him protectively. 

Michael basked in the early morning bliss of holding his best-friend-and-long-time-crush in his arms, but also in the pale light coming from under the basement door and the smell of pancakes from upstairs. 

Michael glanced over Jeremy’s shoulder at the alarm clock on the nightstand. It was almost 9. His moms had probably made breakfast and left for work. 

Thankfully, senior year was over. It was summer, they had made it out of high school and were awaiting results of college applications. The waiting stressed them out, but the lack of real responsibilities gave them freedom, if only for a little while. 

They were adults now. They could do whatever they wanted, for the time being. And, as long as Jeremy was with him, Michael would be up to doing anything. Even if that meant laying in bed all day to let Jeremy catch up on his sleep. 

Jeremy shifted, humming softly. Michael felt his lips curl into a content smile against his skin. “Morning, Micha…” The lanky boy mumbled, not bothering to move from his spot. 

“Sleep okay?” Michael asked, leaning his head against Jeremy’s affectionately. 

“Yeah, thanks to you,” Jeremy answered, scooting upwards a bit so he and Michael were face to face. 

Michael wanted to kiss this boy until they were both breathless. 

They stayed like that for a moment, staring at each other with eyes of adoration and care.

Eventually, Jeremy leaned his forehead to Michael’s briefly before sitting up, stretching his arms over his head. Michael beamed at him, sitting up as well, his chin resting on Jeremy’s shoulder. He could never get enough of this boy. 

Jeremy hummed softly as Michael’s arms wrapped around his torso again. “Michael…?” 

“Jeremy, I think you’re really cool and amazing and good.” Michael held him a little tighter. “I think you’re the best person I’ve ever met. Please, believe me. You’re perfect the way you are.” 

Jeremy laughed quietly, blushing. “No, you,” He retorted. “Why’re you telling me this?” 

“Because I’m really afraid of losing you…” Michael mumbled. Jeremy turned around, wrapping his around Michael too, which resulted in an awkward sitting-half-hug thing. 

“You’re not going to lose me, I promise. I will never let that happen again, Micha… I don’t want to lose you either…” 

Michael kissed Jeremy’s shoulder gently. “I think Nanay made pancakes. Wanna go get some?” 

Jeremy nodded, beaming at his friend with a wide smile. “Sure!” 

They stood up together, smiling contently. Jeremy rifled through one of Michael’s dressers, choosing a shirt to change into. “Can I?” He asked, holding up an old t-shirt that he hadn’t seen Michael wear in a long time. It was a faded grey (it used to be black), and it had the patchy remains of a Pokeball on it. 

Michael shrugged, a dusty pink covering his cheeks. “Yeah, man. Of course.” 

Jeremy smiled and pulled off his sweaty t-shirt from the day before, pulling Michael’s over his head quickly (self-consciously). Michael looked away, messing with the edge of his own shirt while he waited. He didn’t change before he showered, but Jeremy couldn’t stand being awake in the shirt he had worn to bed, so he changed immediately. 

Jeremy turned, taking Michael’s hand cautiously. Michael squeezed it gently, kissing his cheek. They walked upstairs together. 

-

“Thank you. For letting me come over. Can I come back later today?” 

Jeremy was standing at the door, his bookbag (repurposed for taking to Michael’s) on his shoulder. His father wanted him back home, probably for a little ‘bonding time’, but Jeremy tended to sleep at Michael’s mostly, rather than at home. Especially with the nightmares. If he slept alone, he wouldn’t sleep at all. 

“Of course, Jer! I’d love if you came back.” Michael was standing close enough to take Jeremy’s hands in his own. And he did. He didn’t know why he did, but he did. He held them in his gently, allowing Jeremy enough room to pull away; Jeremy didn’t pull away. 

“Okay… I’ll be back then… L-Later…” Jeremy mumbled, shifting closer rather than away. 

“Later then…” 

They stayed like that for a moment, then Jeremy, finally, shied away. He took his bag and waved, retreating down the street. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks <3


	3. Chapter 3

In the blips of time Jeremy was gone, Michael didn’t do much. If he wanted to actually do something, he’d usually stop because  _ this would be a lot more fun with Jeremy. _

So usually, Michael would just sit around on his phone, bored. 

Today, he had something else in mind. Something he needed Jeremy to be gone for him to do (and Jeremy was rarely gone, so this was his chance).

Michael waited on the porch and, as soon as Jeremy was out of sight, he got in the Cruiser and went down to 7-11.

The cashier smiled at him, waving. He and Jeremy were there so often that the cashiers knew them by face and name. Michael sometimes popped in when they were training new people and got to show them around. If he didn’t meet them while they were training, he met them within the week.

This time, the cashier was an employee that’d been there for years. She was 23 now, she’d started there when she was 20. “Hey, Maya,” Michael called from the slushie machine as he poured unnaturally blue slush into the largest cup they had.

“Hey, Mike.” She watched from the counter as Michael gathered a box of chocolates and a bundle of roses from the aisles. “‘S today the day?”

“Hopefully.” There was no one else int he store, so he just placed the stuff on the counter and went off again. “If I don’t chicken out.”

“Believe me, it’ll be fine. The way he looks at you is just… it’s something. I’m jealous. Wish a guy would look at me like that.” Maya sighed, resting her chin on her hand and watching Michael buzz about the store. “You probably don’t even need all that, he’d probably nut if you looked at him a certain way.” 

“Jesus, Maya. You know that’s not true. He probably doesn’t even like me.” Michael walked back up to the register with nothing new in hand and pulled out his wallet. “Wait, should I get like, a card?”

“What, ‘s his birthday or something?” She asked, scanning Michael’s items. 

Michael shook his head. “No, but like…. Aren’t you supposed to get a card in this kinda situation?”

“For what, his loss? His promotion? No, you don’t get a card t’ ask someone out. Total’s five thirty-five.”

Michael handed her a ten and shrugged. “I dunno how to ask a guy out, what if I’m not doing enough?”

“I think you’re doing way more than enough, Mike. You’ve seriously never asked a guy out in your 19 years of being gay?”

Michael rolled his eyes and took his change from her. “No, I never had the guts to. Jeremy’s the only guy I can actually see myself with, all of my other crushes were not enough to me that I would ask them out. Half the time I didn’t even know them.”

Maya rolled her eyes and smiled at him. “Want this stuff in a bag?”

“Yes, please. Carefully.” He took the slushie in his hands and waited. 

Maya handed him the bag and winked. “Get that ass, Mell.”

“Thanks, Maya,” Michael scoffed, smiling. “When do you work again?”

“Tomorrow night.”

“Well, I will let you know how it went tomorrow night then if I’m not busy!”

Maya winked again. “Busy.”

“Bye, Maya!” Michael called from the door. “See ya tomorrow!” 

Michael got in the Cruiser, carefully setting the bag in the passenger seat and the slushie in the cupholder.


	4. Chapter 4

Back at home, Jeremy emptied his bag and repacked it, eager to return to Michael. He switched out the movies he was bringing (swapping My Cousin Vinny and Scott Pilgrim vs. The World for the box set of Home Alone movies) and grabbed new clothes to wear (as if he would actually wear his instead of Michael’s).

He pattered down the stairs, setting his bag by the door. “Hey, dad? I’m gonna stay at Michael’s again, okay?” He called out as he did nearly every day.

“That’s fine. Are you going right now?” His father asked in return. 

Jeremy poked his head into the living room and shook his head. “I don’t have to, I just want to sleep over there, but I can totally stay if you want me to.” 

“No, it’s fine, I was just wondering.” His dad smiled at him, before laying back down. “Why don’t you like to sleep here?” 

“I… just like spending time with Michael…?” 

“You can tell me the truth if you want, but you don’t have to,” His dad said gently. 

“I dunno why, dad. I just sleep better at Michael’s.” Jeremy sighed, crossing his arms tightly. “I have really bad nightmares and… I just don’t want to be alone, you know?” 

“Have you told you told Dr. Russell?” 

“Yeah…” 

“Alright, thank you for letting me know. I thought you were avoiding me.” Jeremy’s dad laughed self consciously.

Jeremy shook his head, frowning. “No, no, I wasn’t- No, I wouldn’t- I don’t-” 

“I know, it’s alright, slugger. Don’t worry about it. Do what you need to do to be happy and healthy.”

“O-Okay... Thanks, dad.” 

Jeremy glanced at his phone.  _ 1 New Notification. Text Message from Michael Mell.  _

Jeremy quickly unlocked his phone and leaned against the doorway of the living room. 

_ Michael Mell: when r u coming back? _

Jeremy responded:  _ whenever its ok? _

_ Michael Mell: its always ok, u can come back when u want _

Jeremy responded:  _ soon then _

“I’m gonna go soon,” He mumbled. “If it’s okay.”

“Okay, have fun!” 

Jeremy nodded and grabbed a few snacks from the kitchen before heading out. “See ya!” 

“Bye!”

Jeremy pulled his shoes on and grabbed his bag, heading out and down the street. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank youuu! Comments are greatly appreciated, as always <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if I got the pacing right for this chapter, but nonetheless, enjoy ^^

Michael quickly set up in the meantime. There wasn’t much ‘set up’ to do, so really he was just practicing in his head and trying to psych himself up. 

_ You can do this, you can do this. Even if he says no, one awkward encounter can’t ruin a friendship, right? Right?! What if he never wants to see me again, God, what if he thinks I’m a perv, or like, what if he calls me stupid for even thinking- _

Michael heard the front door open. “Hey, Micha, I’m back!” 

_ It’s now or never, Mell! _

“I’m down here!” Michael called, grabbing the flowers and hiding them behind his back. 

There was a moment of silence.  _ He’s taking his shoes off _ . Suddenly, there was a soft pattering down the basement stairs. Michael held his breath.  _ You can do this.  _

“Hey, Micha, I brought more movies!” Jeremy exclaimed eagerly as he opened the basement door and set his bag in the same place as he always did, just left of the door. 

Jeremy looked up and his smile twisted in that nervous way it always did. “What’s wrong? Is something wrong? You look worried…” Jeremy mumbled, picking at the hem of his cardigan. “Did I do something?” 

Michael shook his head quickly. “No, of course not, Jer. I just wanted to tell you something…”

Jeremy’s smile finally fell, absolute anxiety taking its place. “Oh, uhm…. Is it something bad…?”

_ God, this is not going according to plan…  _ “Uhm… Jeremy I-” 

Jeremy stepped a bit closer, biting his lip nervously. He had his full attention on Michael now, huge, fearful green eyes staring into Michael’s. 

“Jeremy, I-” Michael gulped, presenting the flowers in his arms. “I really, really like you, a lot…” 

Jeremy stared at Michael for a moment, then at the flowers, then back at Michael. He looked, somehow, even more anxious than before. “Y-You’re joking…?” He mumbled, lightly touching the soft petals of the roses. “You’re messing with me…”

“No, I would never!” 

Jeremy tentatively took the flowers from Michael, staring at them in disbelief. “You… like me?” 

“You don’t have to like me back! No expectations! I just wanted to tell you! I like you so much, it’s crazy! I wanted to get that off my chest. Look I-” Michael turned, grabbing the chocolates from the coffee table and showing them to Jeremy. “I got you chocolates too!” 

Jeremy’s focus shifted from the flowers to the heart-shaped box of chocolates. “You really… like me? This isn’t a joke, o-or… something?”

“I really, really like you, Jeremy. I have for a long time…” 

Jeremy pressed his lips together, tearing up. “I’m not… I don’t… w-why?” 

Michael set the chocolates down, quickly at Jeremy’s side. “You don’t have to like me back, I can throw out the flowers and we can forget the whole thing. Like I said, no expectations. No obligation. I just wanted to tell you because It feels like I’ve been-”

“Micha,” Jeremy held the flowers closer, a bit protectively. “I like you too…”

Michael drew in a sharp breath, blowing it out just as quickly. “Really…?” 

Jeremy nodded, tears slipping down his cheeks as he smiled shakily. “I just… I mean… you mean it, right?” 

“Yeah, yes, of course, Jeremy! Are you blind?” Michael wiped away a few tears from Jeremy’s face, blushing as Jeremy leaned into his hand. “I’ve been flirting with you for years.” 

“I th-thought you just… I- wh-why do you even- I mean- I’m so... not good…” 

“I think you’re great. And, if you’ll let me, I’d like to be around to tell you everyday…”

Jeremy stared down at the flowers in his arms. There was a bright green logo on the side. “Wait a minute… are these from Seven-Eleven?” 

Michael buried his face in his hands. “Yeahhh,”

Jeremy snickered, then full-on laughed, snorting and giggling as tears slipped down his cheeks in large droplets. 

“Jeez, Jeremy-” Michael squeaked, voice cracking with embarrassment. “I didn’t know where else to go!” 

Jeremy held the flowers closer, careful not to hurt them. “I love them. Thank you.” 

“Jeremy, I’d love to take you on a date. If you want, of course.”

Jeremy set his flowers down on the coffee table gently, turning to face Michael again. “I’d love that… when?”

“Whenever you want, wherever you want! I just want to be with you!” 

Jeremy’s stomach flipped, the red painting his cheeks spreading to his ears. “Tonight? I know a place…” 

  
“Ooh, a surprise?” 

Jeremy nodded. 

They stood awkwardly, staring at each other. “Want a chocolate?” Jeremy blurted nervously. “I don’t like the orange ones…” 

“Seriously? Those are the best.” 

Jeremy settled into his beanbag and grabbed the box. Michael wiggled in next to him, his heart pounding against his ribs. “It’s okay if I sit here, right?” 

“Y-Yeah, of course!” Jeremy opened the box, carefully setting one of the orange chocolates in Michael’s hand. He ate one of the cherry ones. 

Michael leaned his head against Jeremy’s shoulder, a normal event under normal circumstances. 

But now, the simple act felt like something monumental. Jeremy sighed contently, leaning his head against the top of Michael’s. 

“I interrupted you earlier. What movies did you bring?” Michael asked.

“Home alone... box set…” Jeremy mumbled, a bit embarrassed. He should’ve brought something romantic.

Michael snickered. “Dork. More Joe Pesci?” 

Jeremy shrugged. “He was iconic in My Cousin Vinny.”

“I agree, but isn’t, like, any other actor better?”

“Hey! Disrespecting King Pesci is strictly forbidden!” 

“King Pesci.”

“Yes.”

Michael rolled his eyes, taking another orange chocolate from the box. “When should we go on our date, Jer?” He asked, elbowing the lanky boy gently and wiggling his eyebrows. 

Jeremy squeaked, covering his side with a hand. “I- I dunno! When it’s dark.”

“Are you going to be okay in the dark?” Michael asked, a tad concerned. 

“If you’re there,” Jeremy answered quietly. 

Michael blushed, tucking his face into the crook of Jeremy’s shoulder. “Nerd.”

Jeremy grinned. “No, you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!! <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have a title now!!! "Nightmares and Late Nights" is the tentative title, but if anyone can think of a better one, I would be extremely grateful. I'm not great with titles

It was about 10 when Jeremy finally decided it was time to go. 

He stood up, setting his controller aside and holding his hand out to Michael. “Will you drive if I give you directions?” He asked, not wanting to be in control of Michael’s car (especially in the dark).

“What, do you usually walk?”

“It’s not far…” 

“Alright, I’ll drive. You know how to get there from here?” 

“You literally live two blocks from me, Michael.”

“Fair enough.” 

They clambered up the stairs together, hand in hand. They haphazardly pulled their shoes on, laughing as they tumbled out to the car. “I hope we didn’t wake up your moms…” Jeremy mumbled, beaming as he buckled into the passenger seat of the Cruiser. 

“Nahhh.” Michael slammed the door and started up the car, grinning at Jeremy. “They wouldn’t be asleep this early, plus we weren’t  _ that  _ loud. It’s worse when you’re screaming bloody murder over Apocolypse of the Damned or whatever.” 

“ _ I _ scream!?” Jeremy screeched. “I don’t  _ scream! _ You scream!” 

“I don’t scream!” Michael yelled defensively. “ _ You  _ scream!” 

“I don’t  _ scream!” _

Michael rolled his eyes. “You do.”

“I don’t!” 

“You doooo!” 

Jeremy huffed, crossing his arms and slumping in his seat. “Buckle up,” He grumbled in faux-anger. 

Michael laughed triumphantly as he buckled in and pulled out of the driveway. “Where to, gorgeous?” 

“Uhhhhm!” Jermy sat up, peering out the window. “L-Left?” 

“You know where we’re going right?” 

“Of course!” Jeremy wiggled in his seat, pointing every which way as they drove. 

“You sure you can get us to… wherever it is that we’re going, Jer?” Michael asked, glancing at him fondly. 

Jeremy looked at the clock, which read  _ 11:37 _ . It was an hour ahead, as always. “Uh, yeah! Of course!” 

Michael smiled, a little smug, a little content, a lot in love. “Alright.” 

_ 11:41 _

_ 12:02 _

_ 12:29 _

“Are you  _ sure _ you know where we’re going?” Michael asked, pulling over into a gas station. 

“Nooo…” Jeremy groaned, hanging his head in shame. “I thought I did…”

Michael chuckled, turning off the car and leaning over the console. “Awh, Jere… Can I put the address in the GPS?”

“There’s not really an… address…” 

Michael smiled sadly. “That sucks. Anywhere else you wanna go?” 

Jeremy shrugged. “Where do you wanna go?” 

“Wherever you are.”

Jeremy blushed, looking out the window. “Take me somewhere. Wherever.”

Michael settled back in his seat, smirking. “Alrighty.” 

And he drove. Jeremy hooked up his phone to the aux, soft cushiony notes filling up space in the car. And they drove. 

Minutes turned into hours, and hours turned into neverending fields of grass and similarly neverending picket fences, shooting past them in the darkness. Michael eventually pulled into a little spot of grass, a tall maple tree looming over them. 

“Where’re we?” Jeremy asked, opening the window and poking his head out. 

“Dunno,” Michael answered, shutting the car off again. 

“You don’t know where we are? What if we’re on someone’s property?” Jeremy asked, turning to face Michael. 

Michael shrugged. “It’s two in the morning, no one cares. We can leave if you want-”

“No, no. It’s fine. It’s peaceful here.” 

“Better than the city?” 

“Definitely.” 

Michael grinned. “Can I sit with you?” 

Jeremy nodded, scooting over as much as he could. “Y-yeah?” 

Michael climbed over the console, wiggling into the seat beside Jeremy. “Okay?”

“Yeah,” Jeremy answered, moving to get more comfortable against Michael’s side.

Michael put an arm around his waist, pulling him closer. “This would be more comfortable in the backseat, huh?” 

Jeremy nodded. “Do you still have those weed blankets in here?” 

Michael nodded. “Yeah, I haven’t found the time to take them to the wash. The smell is still kinda there. Why?” 

“We could lay them in the grass and look at the stars, instead of cramping in here.” 

“Ooo, yeah! Get out.”

Jeremy opened the door and fell out of the car, laughing quietly as Michael followed. Michael closed the door and pulled Jeremy up, opening the trunk. “Help me grab some blankets.”

They pulled out all the blankets they could carry, throwing them into a pile in the grass. “I hope the bugs don’t get in them…” Jeremy mumbled as he laid a few out. 

Michael shrugged. “I have to wash them anyway, so it doesn’t matter to me.” 

Jeremy laid down, Michael plopping down beside him. Jeremy grabbed another blanket to cover their bodies as they got comfortable. 

Of course, Jeremy was quickly in Michael’s arms, leaning his head on his chest. 

Michael held him close, not caring about the icy air biting at his nose or the possibility of getting arrested for trespassing. He was just happy to be with his friend… His boyfriend…? His… Player Two. 

“Hey, Jer?” 

“Hmm?” Jeremy turned his head up to look at Michael. “Yeah?” 

“I didn’t actually ask you earlier which is totally my bad but…” Michael shifted, his hold on Jeremy loosening slightly, so the smaller boy could easily pull away. “Do you want to, like, be my boyfriend? Like… officially?” 

Jeremy beamed, nodding quickly. “Yeah! Obviously! I am completely, one-hundred percent down to be your boyfriend, Michael. If you’ll have me.” 

“I will absolutely have you if that’s alright.”

“Boyfriends then?”

“Boyfriends, for sure.”   
  


Jeremy settled back against Michael, his head back on Michael’s chest. He let his mind wander as the stars wandered above them, trailing slowly across the sky. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! <3


	7. Chapter 7

Jeremy drifted off in Michael’s arms, feeling secure and safe. He didn’t plan to fall asleep- especially in a field in the middle of nowhere- it just sort of happened. After all, he was exhausted. 

But of course, the nightmares came back.

Once he’d fallen into the warmth of sleep, the rising fear and panic overtook him, pulling him down.

A booming voice echoed around him, commanding him and puppeting him until he no longer had control. Jeremy was afraid of falling back into that abyss. He tried to get away, but there was really nothing he could do. The puppeteer had control of not only his body but his words as well. He couldn’t speak up. He couldn’t get out. 

And he could feel the moment he gave up. He just gave up and let it happen. That’s when he jolted away, faint shocks trailing quickly up his spine. 

He whimpered quietly, pressing closer to Michael. “Jeez, Jeremy… are you alright?”

“Y-Yeah…” The lanky boy lied, burying his face in the crook of Michael’s neck as hot tears poured down his face. This was an every-night thing now, and Jeremy couldn’t stand it. He didn’t  _ want _ to stress Michael out… he didn’t  _ want _ to have nightmares… for God's sake he was  _ so fucking tired. _ He would give anything just for a nice night of sleep, fuck!

“Jeremy…” Michael kissed his temple gently, running a hand through his hair to calm him down. “I can tell when you’re lying.” 

Jeremy shrugged, melting against Michael. “Just… a nightmare. It’s no big deal…” 

“It’s a big deal to me. Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Not right now…” 

Michael nodded, wrapping his free arm around Jeremy protectively. “I’m here…”

Jeremy sniffled, raising a hand over Michael’s shoulder to wipe his eyes. 

“Nothing can get you. I’m right here, okay?” 

Jeremy nodded, sobbing softly. “Okay…”

“Do you want to go back to the car?” 

“Yes…”

Michael sat up slowly, smiling at Jeremy when he stood up and grabbed a few blankets.

Michael gathered the rest, throwing them in the backseat. Jeremy copied him, then got into the passenger's seat limply. 

Michael reached over the console and took his hand. “I’m sorry, Jer… are you okay?”

“No, don’t- why- but- d-don’t be sorry! It’s my fault for being all stupid and dysfunctional.. I don’t want you to be sorry.”

Michael sighed, squeezing his hand gently. “You can’t help it, Jer. No one can… Besides, it was my idea to come out here in the middle of yeehaw New Jersey. It’s dark and stuff, I didn’t mean to scare you, that’s my fau-“

“It was the Squip.”

“Huh?” 

“My nightmare, I mean. The dark had nothing to do with it. I liked being out here with you.”

“You had another Squip nightmare?” 

“Yeah… it’s not a big deal though, don’t worry about it.”

Michael leaned down to gently kiss the back of Jeremy’s hand. “I do worry, I always worry about you, Jer. I want you to be okay.”

Jeremy blushed, pulling his hand away. “You’re adorable, Michael. Can you get us home?” 

Jeremy glanced at the clock. 

_ 3:41 _

So in real time, it was nearly a quarter to 3. 

Michael typed his address into the GPS and began the long drive home. 

“I had fun today, even though I got us lost,” Jeremy said, smiling. “Thank you.”

“I’d still like to go to your spot if you can find it.”

“I know where it is when I walk! And I know there’s back roads leading to it! I just don’t know where exactly.”

Michael chuckled, tapping on the wheel to a beat that existed only for him. Jeremy watched, happy to have something small to focus on. 

As they drove, Jeremy found other little things to focus on, like the picket fences and passing fields, or the growing presence of civilization as they got closer to the city. Jeremy counted the stains on the floor of Michael’s car and tried to recount what they were from.

Anything to keep his mind off the nightmare, and off the lingering buzz of electricity fighting for his attention. Jeremy was so focused in fact that he only realized they were near Michael’s house again when Michael parked in the driveway. 

Michael got out, Jeremy following closely behind. “When are you gonna wash the weed blankets?” He asked, glancing at the washing machine as they took off their shoes by the door. 

“I dunno. Not right now, that’s for sure.”

Jeremy laughed softly, careful to keep his voice low to avoid waking Michael’s moms. 

Michael shut the door and they pattered silently down the basement stairs, collapsing in Michael’s bed together. “I had fun, thank you,” Jeremy repeated, kicking off his pants and settling under the covers. He was eager to get real sleep. 

“Me too. I hope we can go on many more dates before you’re tired of me,” Michael said, turning off the light and wiggling around to get comfortable. 

Jeremy wrapped his arms around Michael, his chin on his shoulder and chest against his back. “I don’t think I'll ever get tired of you, Micha.”

“I think you might… pretty quickly. I’m tiresome.” Michael relaxed in Jeremy’s arms, letting himself be pulled closer. 

“I don’t think so.” Jeremy pressed his face into Michael’s neck, his nose cold against his skin. “I think you’re pretty great, always.” 

Michael shuddered. “Jesus, Jeremy. You’re cold!” 

“I’m like your personal AC.” 

Michael giggled, before sighing, content as he felt Jeremy’s arms tighten around him slightly.

“You’re so patient and kind and considerate…” Jeremy whispered after a beat of silence between them. “So beautiful and caring. I don’t deserve you.” 

Michael shook his head. “You don’t. You deserve someone better.”

“There’s no one in the world I’d prefer over you.” 

Michael closed his eyes, his arms resting over top of Jeremy’s. 

Jeremy smiled, closing his eyes and drifting off again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW// Nightmare and panic attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize some of the themes i am attempting to present by the end of this fic are going to be a bit mature so im changing the rating from T to M. It's not smut or violence or anything like that, it's just mature in my opinion. Like, it goes further beyond having nightmares and, if im writing this as i intend, that should become clearer and clearer through the allusions and symbolism and figurative language and even direct language i plan on using and have already put in. So yeah, rating change is pending.

It would be a lie to say Jeremy didn’t have another nightmare. They came almost every time he fell asleep. 

He felt the blur of intoxication making his vision fuzzy, making his brain feel like mush, sloshing around in his head. He felt the way the people closed in around him, dancing and singing and kissing. 

He felt as he was unwillingly made to walk into a quiet room, away from everyone else. It was nice to have a moment of peace, but, of course, the moment was shattered by the blue hologram that appeared before him. “You have nightmares about me, Jeremy,” The Squip stated. 

Jeremy shook his head, trying to clear the alcohol from his brain so he could think straight. 

“I don’t think you think straight at all, Jeremy. I think you think like an idiot. You could’ve had everything and yet you threw it away. For what? A boy? A boy in a red hoodie? A boy who took everything from you? The girl of your dreams. The  _ life _ of your dreams!”

Jeremy shook his head, turning away. “Michael is my everything. He forgave me. Plus it didn’t even work out between me and Christine!” 

The Squip rolled it’s eyes. “It didn’t  _ work _ because you got  _ rid _ of me. It didn’t  _ work _ because you didn’t do as you were  _ told _ . It didn’t  _ work _ because you- without my assistance- are a  _ loser  _ and a  _ freak _ .” 

Jeremy felt his stomach flip. “I’m… I’m not a loser.”

“You are.”

“I’m not! I mean, even if I am, I don’t think forcing people to like me is the right thing to do!” 

The Squip sighed, snapping his fingers. A shock ran through Jeremy (that’s how his nightmares always seemed to go). It was only minor, just up and down his arms. “Why won’t you listen to me? I’m an all knowing super computer that is and always  _ will be _ in your head and yet you think your gay stoner buddy is better? More successful? Healthier? He’s a fucking stoner.” 

Jeremy whipped his head around, pointing a finger at the Squip. “Fuck. You.” 

Another shock wrecked its way up Jeremy’s spine, making him fall to the floor. 

He jolted awake, struggling to pull air into his lungs. The dizzying reality set in around him, bringing him back to the life he had given up everything to get back to. Michael was still asleep beside him, breathing slowly. He could breath. Lucky him. 

Jeremy tightly gripped the front of his shirt, wheezing as he sucked in a shallow breath. He buried his head in his hands, gasping for air. Electricity lingered, tingling up and down his back, spreading to his ribs. 

He couldn’t breath and he knew he must be dying. I mean when you can’t breath, you die right? Jeremy pressed his fingers to his neck, frantically trying to find his pulse. Wait, wouldn’t that cut blood flow?  _ Oh, God, this is how I die.  _

Jeremy tightened his grip on his shirt, trying to ground himself. 

What could he see? What could he hear? 

Well, he couldn’t see shit. It was pitch blank in the basement. 

He could hear Michael breathing, and he could hear the humming of the game system, and he could hear cars going past every so often overhead. 

How long had he been sitting here? 

How many cars went past? 

Jeremy counted, assuming 5 minutes for each car considering it was probably still quite early. 

5… 10… 15… 20… 25… 30… 35… 40… 45… 50… 55… 60… 

Maybe it’d been an hour he’d sat here, not breathing. Maybe he was already dead. 

Jeremy pressed his hand flat against his chest. He felt like he was drowning. The air was thick with fear. Each breath felt more like a drag through water. 

Jeremy swung his legs over the edge of the bed, finally finding the will to move. He blindly reached out, trying to find the lamp. The dark was getting darker and it was becoming unbearable. He couldn’t breath, he couldn’t see, and all he could feel was the steady arrival of his own demise. 

Jeremy finally found the lamp. He flicked the light on, banishing the dark. He glanced over his shoulder at Michael, who stirred slightly, turning over and reaching out. Jeremy sighed, his face hot with tears and abhorrence. 

How could he have such horrible dreams with the man he’s in love with by his side? 

Was what the Squip said to him really just his subconscious? 

Was he still so weak as to listen?

What if he fell back into his old self? The one that would leave Michael behind with no more than a second thought. 

_ What if he believed the Squip…? _

Jeremy felt himself heave dryly, his chest tight and breathing ragged. At least he was breathing. 

Jeremy stood, racing to the bathroom to gag over the toilet. They all came out dry, but just the feeling made him feel sicker. He knelt on the floor, his face in his hands. He was trembling, his stomach flipping, over and over and over. 

He stayed like that, counting cars overhead. 

5… 5... 5... 5… 5...

Jeremy felt a hand on his back. “Jer…” 

He jumped and looked up, and Michael pulled his hand away quickly and sat beside him. “Can I touch you?”

Jeremy nodded hesitantly. Michael took his hand. Jeremy’s skin felt like it was on fire, and not in the storybook kind of way. Jeremy ripped his hand away, like he’d touched a stove. He wrapped his arms around himself tightly, shaking his head. 

“Okay, that’s alright. Can I sit here?” 

Jeremy nodded, croaking out a choked “please?” 

“What can I do? Can I help?” 

Jeremy shook his head, “I’m fine… I'm just… tired.” 

Michael sighed, biting his lip. “I’ll wait for you, okay?”

Jeremy drew in a shaking breath, his throat feeling scratchy and closed. He squeezed his eyes shut, tightening his hands into fists against his sides. 

Michael felt terrible. This had to be the worst one he’d had, right? Definitely the worst Michael had seen. 

Jeremy sobbed quietly, trembling. He felt alone, but so crowded. He felt cold, but burning from the inside out. He felt… really bad. 

And there wasn’t much he could do about it but-

“Breathe…” Michael whispered. “I know that sounds like a really hard thing, but I believe in you. I know you can get through this, Jer.”

Jeremy sucked in a broken breath and let it out. Michael counted for him gently, but didn’t scold when he could keep time. Jeremy let his hands relax. He reached out for Michael, who took his hands, squeezing them lightly. “It’s going to be okay. I know it isn’t right this moment, but I promise you it will be.” 

“I’m… so exhausted…” Jeremy mumbled. He rested his head on their joined hands, keeping his eyes closed. “I'm so tired…” 

Michael rubbed his thumbs over Jeremy’s hands in small circles. “I’m sorry, Jeremy. Did you tell your therapist?”

“I- I- I said I had trouble sleeping. He said it was an anxiety thing. Insomnia. I didn’t tell him about the nightmares. Didn’t wanna seem childish...”

“Jer, that’s what the doc is for. Please? He can help. All I can do is be here to hold your hands.” 

Jeremy sighed, looking up at Michael. “Can we go back to bed…? I don’t want to sit on the bathroom floor anymore.”

Michael smiled, both fondly and sadly. He nodded, standing up and pulling Jeremy up with him. Jeremy wobbled forward slightly, leaning on Michael. Michael led him to the bed, letting him lie down first. “Jeremy?” He whispered as he climbed onto the bed after him. “I love you.”

Jeremy huffed out a laugh, rolling his eyes. “I love you more…” 

Michael kissed his cheek gently. “You don’t have to sleep if you don’t want to, but you definitely need to rest. Do you want to get high? It might help you calm down.” 

_ More successful? He’s a fucking stoner.  _ The Squip echoed in his head, making him feel sick. 

Jeremy flinched, shaking his head quickly. “N-No, I- no- that won’t- help…” 

Michael nodded. “Do you want tea? I think we have some Sleepy Time or something upstairs. Chamomile or… something.” 

“No, that’s… that’s alright. Don’t worry about it, I’ll be okay.” What he didn't say:  _ Don’t leave me alone... _

Michael lifted up the covers for him again, like he had earlier. “Too hot? We can lay on top, if you want.”

Jeremy shrugged, crawling under the covers. It felt like this was becoming routine. Sleep-panic-sleep-panic-sleep-panic. But Jeremy wasn’t getting much  _ real _ sleep. 

Michael got in beside him, opening his arms. Jeremy shook his head, but opened his arms to Michael. Michael smiled and scooted closer, letting lanky arms surround his body. 

“Sorry, ‘m such a mess…” Jeremy muttered into Michael’s hair. “I don’t want you to worry too much about it… It’s not a problem that you should have to take on.”

“I mean… It sucks. To see you like that. It really sucks. But…” Michael turned over in Jeremy’s arms, resting his chin on his chest and looking up at him. “I like you. You’re my best friend and my boyfriend, and there's a reason that I’m still here and you’re still here and we’re still here together. Even if we don’t know  _ what _ it is, there’s a reason that we’re still around. You know? If the universe didn’t want you it’d just,  _ pew, _ take you out, right? But you’re still here, and you’re  _ you _ . And I really like you when you’re just  _ you _ .”

“Alright, alright, enough hippie talk. Go back to sleep, okay?” 

“If you want, I’ll stay up with you?” 

“I mean, if you want? I’ll probably just lay here, really. I'm exhausted.”

Michael laid his head on Jeremy’s chest, closing his eyes. “Is it okay if we have the light off? You can turn on a movie if you want.” 

Jeremy hesitated for a moment, worrying his lip. “Just… stay with me?” 

“Of course. I’m not going anywhere.” 

Jeremy took a breath, leaning over to flick the lamp off. He quickly laid back down, holding Michael close. 

“I’m here. I’m right here,” Michael reassured him, kissing his cheeks and forehead. “I’m right here.” 

“I know, I- I’m fine. I’m fine.” Jeremy felt Michael resettle against his chest, wrapping his arms around him tightly. 

After a while, Jeremy adjusted to the darkness. Once he’d relaxed, he could feel Michael smile. “It’s alright…” He mumbled sleepily. “See, it’s ok.” 

Jeremy nodded, running a hand through Michael’s hair slowly. 

Jeremy watched the clock. He didn’t let himself fall asleep. Michael tried to stay up, but ultimately dozed off in Jeremy’s arms, snoring quietly. 

It was around 5 in the morning, so Jeremy decided he would just wait. 

He stared up at the stars on the ceiling, sticky green plastic holding on for dear life. He counted them, counted them, counted them. He counted, reaffirming the number in his head. _252._ _Took us hours to put up._

_ 252 _ glowing dots scattered over the ceiling and spreading over the walls. 

_ 252 _ little spots that 9-year-old Jeremy-and-Micheal found so cool. 

_ 252 _ tiny stars that had stuck for years, through every phase, every flag, every video game, every poster. Every fight. Every makeup. Every nightmare and every daydream. Every word, they still held on up there. 

For 10 years, they held on tight.

Jeremy recounted them, recounted them, recounted them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you as always! Comments are appreciated <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// allusion to an eating disorder
> 
> Kind of a filler chapter, sorry! I'm trying to get the ball rolling and its not rolling?

By the time Michael had woken up, Jeremy had just dozed off. Not enough to be asleep, but enough that he wasn’t fully aware of his surroundings. 

Michael sat up, stretching his arms above his head and looking down at Jeremy. “You awake?” He asked, poking his arm.

“Mhmm,” Jeremy responded, covering his face with his arm when Michael flicked on the lamp. 

“Did you sleep?” 

“Nooo.” 

“Do you want to?”

“No.” Jeremy sat up, blinking his eyes blearily. “I don’t.”

“Alright. Want me to make you some tea? To keep you awake?” 

Jeremy shrugged, tucking his face into Michael’s neck. Michael wrapped his arms around him, holding him close. “Wanna go upstairs?”

“Mhmm..” Jeremy didn’t move.

“Want me to carry you?” Michael joked. 

“Noo… I’ll get up.”

“Jer, you really need to sleep.” 

Jeremy sat up again and flung his legs over the side of the bed. “Yeah, but I don’t want to waste time that I could be spending with you. Especially because I know I’ll just wake up all panicky and exhausted anyways.”

Michael frowned, leaning his cheek on Jeremy’s shoulder. “I love you… please talk to your therapist.”

Jeremy hummed, nodding. “Yeah.”

“Don’t you have their phone number?” 

“For emergencies.”

Michael nodded, kissing Jeremy’s shoulder gently. “Love you.”

“Love you too, Micha.” 

Michael smiled and stood up, holding a hand out to Jeremy. “We have Frosted Flakes.”

Jeremy grinned, taking his hand.

They went up the stairs slowly, hand in hand. Michael fixed two bowls of cereal, handing one to Jeremy. Jeremy took the bowl and sat on the couch, leaning against Michael’s side. “Guh…”

“Yeah.” Micheal took a bite of his cereal, nudging Jeremy in the side gently. “You really need to sleep…” 

“Mhmm. But it won’t matter.”

“Don’t you take meds?” 

“Not really… Not yet.”

Michael hummed, setting his bowl down and wrapping an arm around Jeremy. He kissed the side of Jeremy’s head, staying there rather than moving away. He looked over Jeremy’s head at nothing in particular. 

Jeremy closed his eyes, sighing. 

“Jeremy, please eat. I don’t need you starving on me too now,” Michael joked, poking Jeremy in the side. 

Jeremy huffed, taking a bite. “Yeah..”

“Sorry… that wasn’t...” 

Jeremy shrugged, eating his food nonetheless. 

“Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Jeremy smiled, looking up and kissing his chin. “Don’t worry about it.”

Michael smiled apologetically, kissing his forehead. “What do you want to do today?”

Jeremy shrugged, setting his mostly-but-not-quite finished bowl down. “Dunno. Not really up to going anywhere. I’m exhausted.”

“Yeah. What if we just have a chill day so you can kinda rest? Like, without actually going to sleep.”

Jeremy nodded. “Sounds good to me. As long as I’m with you.” 

Michael blushed, nodding. “Okayy, well. We could watch a movie up here?” 

“Okay, that’s fine with me, what movie?”

“Well, I don’t want to watch anymore Joe Pesci. We could look around Netflix.” 

Jeremy shrugged, leaning into Michael’s side. “Whatever you want, Micha.” 

“There’s a new documentary about, like, the ocean or something. Wanna watch that?” 

“Sure. Whatever. I’m not really going to pay attention,” Jeremy admitted. “So, watch whatever you want.”

Michael nodded, putting the documentary on and laying down, letting Jeremy settle in his arms. They seemed to be doing a lot of laying down lately. 

Michael rested his chin on top of Jeremy’s head and wrapped his arms around him tightly. “Love you, Jer. Please get some rest.”

Jeremy hummed, turning over in Michael’s arms and tucking his face into his shoulder. “I’ll try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you <3


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// a fight?? if you squint
> 
> sort of another filler chapter, but also like, plot??? sort of?

Jeremy dozed off, napping peacefully in Michael’s arms. He was pleased to wake up hours later, still in Michael’s arms, and dreamless. Michael was watching a recording of a concert on his phone, the phone resting in Jeremy’s hair. Netflix sat, forgotten, scrolling through the recommended page.

“Who’s that?” Jeremy asked, startling Michael. 

“Ah! Jesus! Good morning.” It was a bit past four in the afternoon. 

Jeremy smiled blissfully, happy to have been able to simply sleep without worrying about nightmares or SQUIPs or losing the person he loves. “Who’re you listening to?” He asked again.

“It’s a shitty recording of a 1975 concert,” Michael answered. 

“Didn’t they have a professional recording done at the O2?” 

“Yeah, but that’s like not- but- I mean-” 

Jeremy turned over, wrapping his arms around Michael’s middle. “Not ‘retro’ enough for you, hipster-man?” 

Michael nodded. “Exactly. Feels fake, right? Not real.” 

Jeremy shrugged, resting his chin on Michael’s chest, looking up at him. “I guess, whatever you say.” 

Michael smiled down at him, running his hands through his hair slowly, careful not to catch any knots. “You’re very pretty.” 

Jeremy blushed, leaning into his hand. 

It was strange, how easily they slipped from friends to lovers, but to them, it felt like the last unexplored parts of their relationship. It was easy to call each other pet names and kiss when they’ve been nearly there for years. It was less of a leap over a river than a step over a line. 

Michael kissed Jeremy’s forehead, happy that the boy didn’t refuse his compliment. “You’re the most pretty.”

“I don’t think that’s proper grammar, love.” Jeremy rolled his eyes, scooting up and tucking his face into Michael’s neck. 

Michael held him closer, kissing the side of his head. “Did you sleep okay?” He asked, turning over so Jeremy was laying on top of him, resting his phone on his back. 

Jeremy nodded. “No dreams at all.”

“That’s good.” Michael kissed his neck gently, eyes focused on the concert. 

“Mhmm…” Jeremy leaned his head to the side slightly, giving Michael more room. 

Michael smirked. “This okay?” He asked softly, setting his phone down. 

Jeremy nodded. “Y-Yeah…” 

Michael kissed his neck again, searching for a sensitive spot. He knew he’d found it when Jeremy whined. “Still okay?” 

“Mhm..” Jeremy closed his eyes, letting out a long breath. His constantly racing thoughts slowed down, letting him be in the moment. 

Michael languidly peppered Jeremy’s neck with kisses, working his way up to his jaw and back down. “You are really pretty, Jer. Do you believe me?” 

“No, but I believe you mean well,” Jeremy responded, lifting his head to look at Michael. 

Michael frowned. “Well, you should believe it.”

Jeremy shrugged. “I don’t think confidence is very good for me. Plus, if I was attractive, I-” 

“You are.” Michael sat up, taking Jeremy’s hands. “You are attractive, Jeremy. At least, I think so.” 

“Yeah, but you’re  _ supposed _ to say that. That doesn’t make it true.”

“Would I ever lie to you?” Michael kissed Jeremy’s cheek, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles slowly. Jeremy’s hand was so much smaller than his. 

“I hope not…”

“I wouldn’t.” Michael squeezed his hand, one hand drifting up to Jeremy’s cheek. “I wouldn’t lie to you, Jer.” 

Jeremy leaned into Michael’s hand, sighing. “Okay… I still don't believe you aren’t just saying that.”

Michael kissed Jeremy’s forehead, his thumb trailing over Jeremy’s cheek. Jeremy leaned forward, resting his head on Michael’s shoulder. “Thank you though. For saying that.” 

“Mhm, anytime. Because, I’m right.” 

Jeremy rolled his eyes, his arms draped around Michael’s waist loosely. “Okay, Micha.” 

Michael kissed his temple, running his hand through his hair slowly.

Jeremy hummed. “If I’m attractive… Why didn’t I have any friends?” He asked quietly. 

Michael sighed, pulling Jeremy closer. “Did the Squip change how you look?” 

“Well… It made me work out, but-”

“But, really, it just changed how you dressed and acted. Right?” 

“I mean- yeah… but, it helped me get fit.” 

“You weren’t popular because you’re kind, Jeremy. You’re kind and you have decent taste in clothes. And as soon as that- that thing- went away, you went back to this kind, compassionate, well dressed guy.” 

Jeremy nodded, shurgging. 

“Besides, you’re still kinda fit, Jer.”

“Yeah, and I still have some friends.” 

“Because, they went through the same thing.”

“They’re still popular. I’m not.”

“Why does being popular matter, though?” Michael kissed the top of his head gently, feeling the boy begin to shake. 

“I don’t know...” Jeremy muttered, hiding his face in Michael’s chest. “Maybe I’m just lonely.”

“You have me.”

“Exactly!” Jeremy sat up quickly, wiping his eyes furiously. “Maybe I wanted more than one friend!” 

Michael bit his lip, nodding slowly. “But, you didn’t have to  _ change _ . You’re perfect the way you are.” 

“I’m not!” Jeremy stood up, running a hand through his hair. “I’m not a good person! I’m fucked up! You just can’t see past your rose-coloured glasses!”

Michael shook his head. “Jeremy, to me, you are perfect. I don’t know why you can’t see it.”

“I’m fucked up! I can’t think, I can’t speak, I can’t walk. I can’t even sleep! Fuck!” Jeremy covered his tear-stained face with his hands. “I can’t do anything right, Michael. I’m really messed up…” 

Michael stood, opening his arms. “Can I hug you?” He asked. “Please?” 

Jeremy shook his head, but leaned into Michael’s arms. “Michael… I don’t… think you should… hang out with me…” 

Michael sighed, slowly wrapping Jeremy in a loose hug, giving him time to move away, if he wanted. “I love you, Jeremy. And I want to be around you.” 

“But I’m… like this. I don’t know why anyone wants to be around me.” 

“I want to be around you.”

“ _ Why?” _

“Because  _ I love you, _ Jeremy!”

Jeremy sobbed, leaning his head on Michael’s shoulder. “You shouldn’t have to deal with  _ this. _ ”

“I want to. I want you to be happy again.”

“You can’t fix me, Micha. No one can.”

“I know that. I have issues too, you know. Why are you with me?”

“Because… I love you. And I think you’re great, and wonderful, and amazing.”

Michael nodded. “That’s how I feel about you.”

Jeremy lifted his hands from his face slowly. His face was red and wet with tears. Michael leaned forward, gently kissing his cheek. He could taste the salt on his lips when he pulled away.

“I love you, Jeremy. I have for a long, long time. Through everything. I think, by now I’ve lost my rose-coloured glasses.”

Jeremy cried, hugging him back tightly. He shook and quivered, and Michael waited. He held him gingerly in his arms and waited.

He waited, waited, waited. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much! <3
> 
> I've completely used up my backlog of chapters, so updates might be a little slower from now on. ;--; im sorry in advance!


End file.
